Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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