Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
