So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
