Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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