Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
