yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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