Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
