hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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