You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
