i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
