I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
