$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
