Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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