your thong is hanging out like whoa
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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