HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
