My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
