I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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