I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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