I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
the liver wants what the liver wants
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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