I smell stomach acid.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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