mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
