last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
