State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
