The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize