I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize