Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
