I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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