obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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