Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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