Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
