Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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