Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize