Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
