Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
