So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
