guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
