Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
