so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
