My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
