False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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