explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
