Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
