Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
