I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
