I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
