Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I need moral support for this bender
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
