I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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