Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
