I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
