he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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