I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
