When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
