if only i could text you this smell
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
