Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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