***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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