To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
