so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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