We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
