It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
