Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
