hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
