I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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