We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
