Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize