I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
