It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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