I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
