Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
