I bet he comes in French.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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