i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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