We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
