I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
