oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
