Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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