pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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