I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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