I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She bit a glass in half.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
