i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
