You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
