ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
