return my video game
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
