If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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