So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
