you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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