I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize