My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize