Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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