i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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