i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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