break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize