i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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