Pappa wants mamma naked
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The struggles of a small town man whore
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
