and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
