we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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