On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We were destined to go to rehab together
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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