please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
