I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
