do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
