Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
