So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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